There are some people that you meet virtually and it can feel like you've known them already. Virtual connection in this millennial era has been our only way to meet new people. When I met Diozanae I slid in her PM on Facebook and asked to buy her dope "Buck Behavior" shirt. When I saw the shirt I knew imminently that there had to be a story behind that buck behavior. I thank God, that virtual connections haven't stopped some of us from actually connecting and allowing the lord to bring us together even through digital means. Enjoy this story and take delight in the loving arms of Jesus.
Meet Diozanae Jordan Twenty Four year old woman with a heart and drive for God. She resides in Denver, Colorado, and works with Alzheimer’s and Dementia Patients. The 2nd oldest of 10 children! Currently the Minister of Music at her church. Owner of a small but expanding business called Buck Behavior and also the Visionary behind “Survival Mode".
My life so far is explained in three words. A strong survivor; I’ve survived things that most wouldn’t! I’ve been without trying to put things together just to make it!
Just like anybody else I have endured some very low moments, I wouldn’t say I overcame but I’m at the epitome of a survivor of Sexual Abuse. November 7, 2011, at the age of 15 my life drastically changed. I was sexually taken advantage of by a group of boys. And although it came with years of healing. I knew that my time of victory and triumph over this came when I had to confront the very place that changed my life. On August 7, 2020, I went to the exact spot that it happened. Oddly I was able to face it. Most importantly I was able to actually tell it. A friendship brought me into the freedom and healing I needed. When I met my best friend I was able to be open about it. I went back to that location on August 7, 2020. That was the day that I faced it and realized that that location couldn't hold on to me anymore.
During the process of my healing after meeting my best friend. I started attending therapy. My search had been a tragic disaster. I believe some counselors have a hard time understanding the person sitting on the couch. Through many failed attempts I found someone who could understand me fully. I was dealing with some very tormenting dreams: the dreams brought on resentment, warfare, and even self-torture. I had fears of turning my back toward people because I turned my back once and my life changed. It didn't matter where I was I could be at church, the movies it didn't matter. Fear almost always gripped me without my God's love and my best friends listening ear I wouldn't be able to tell this story.
My Previous Fears: overnight shifts, late-night walks, or groups, needing to talk on the phone to feel comfortable.
There are somethings that talking to people won't fix. My counselor was someone who didn't know me. Which allowed me to heal in peace and alone. As we relate this to God's counseling ways. He knows what we need and what we deserve. He knew who to pair me with. Of course, I didn't know when my freedom from these thoughts or fears would come. But, one afternoon after attending a funeral it opened up a reason to heal. Isn't that like God! Attend a funeral and receive healing from something you've suffered with for years. The funeral was on the same street that my attack occurred. For years I refused to ever go back. But, this day I was able to face that street. Look at it and take back the girl the enemy thought was dead. The woman who he never wanted me to be rose from what looked like a funeral!
In one season the Lord said to me "this is not for you to get paybacks." the lord needed to heal my heart. Afterward, I realized the Lord wanted to heal my heart with tears. Nine years later I'm at the place where I want to heal honestly. I could see myself being able to help others through their healing process. As a woman who is now holding herself for marriage even though this has happened to me. Daily I have to submit my fears to him. The Lord reminded me that he has a man that's ready for me in time. He didn't want me to remember the purpose but he wanted to repurpose the memory. Many people downplay the young generation saying outrages things like we haven't gone through anything. But, this is completely untrue we fight in silence.
After overcoming these things I started a business that embodied my life commitment. Buck Behavior Apparel. I’m known to be a worshipper, shutting myself in a room and just worshipping has gotten me THROUGH but my dance has put a deposit on the things I’ve prayed for, the things I haven’t even been able to put into words but God knows, and the things manifesting before my eyes as a thank you, God!
The Effects of my past caused me to smoke weed, lose relationships, mental agony, emotional agony, and physical pain. And Forgiveness was very hard! But, I have learned many lessons through this process. Dance through your pain. Sing through your pain. Prayer through your doubt. And face your past with God and those who care and love you. Most importantly trust God.
What encouragement would you give a woman who doesn't know how to show self-love or self-care to herself?
Do something that makes you feel good! But also prove to yourself that you’re better than what you think or see. If you believe you’re ugly look in the mirror a million and one times until you start to see something different! God made you in His image and in His likeness.
How do you believe with your story, you can encourage Christian women to pursue all things through Christ?
I’m a faithful believer. What is impossible with man is possible with God. I’ve seen him do things that I didn’t have the faith to believe that he would do. I Started seeing things by what he said and not what I didn’t see. All it takes is a mustard seed. Take up you mustard seed.
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